He
lived with his aunt (mother's younger sister). One night his uncle was furious
against him and charged with him his heart piercing words. Night passed away,
the next morning, he was in the kitchen preparing food. His uncle was outside
murmuring, he lent his ear and was able to hear his uncle saying him to leave
from his place. He was constantly murmuring about his discontent of him being
there. He then went to washroom and called his dad. As to let you all know, his
dad did not have a healthy relationship with him. It had been just couple of
days his dad started talking to him. He thought of calling his dad as his last
resort for he had nowhere to go. He called his dad. "Hello dad, Nirnay
here. "You know what uncle and I had discussion and he is asking me not to
stay here. I don't know what should I do " (he thought in his mind that
after hearing this his dad would show some support)." "Huh! What are
you saying? Did you speak to your aunt dad said". He told him everything
and told him that his aunt was on his side but he still felt that because of
him there shouldn't be any misunderstandings. He told his dad that he is really
confused on where is life is leading up to. His dad reply was heart breaking,
his dad told him that whatever he is going through is because of his own deeds.
He was devastated after hearing this, all his hopes on his dad, the reason for
calling him, the time he took to think several times before calling his dad all
went in vain. He then hurriedly said his dad he is okay and disconnected the
call. He then thought for a while on what should he do. It took him around 3
hours to figure out his next step. I am telling you this because I found his
letter and couldn't stop myself sharing it with you. He then decided to end his
life as he had nowhere to go. He tried looking for options desperately to
survive as he all wanted to ever be was just a poet expressing his thoughts
through words but the world was too harsh to allow him to live his dream. He knew
that he had nowhere to go after he spoke with his dad. He wrote this letter and
then started searching for a rope. He had made plans I believe because he was
so quiet that in spite of having so many people at home he didn't let anyone
know what is going on. He found a rope it was green and blue nylon rope, I saw
it when they pulled down his body from that oak tree. Yes he hanged himself, I
don't know why. He had suffered a lot in his life, so I think this was his
breaking point. I feel sad about him at times when I read his poem and letters.
He was a nice man with brown beard and brown eyes which is closed now for
forever. I've met many people in my life but this guy had left a very strong
impact in my life. He used to stay happy even when he was going through a lot.
I wish I could have understood his situation and helped him but we are too busy
with our own world. May his soul rest in peace.
© NKU
My friend depression can be a silent killer. There was nothing you or anyone could do unless your friend spoke up about what was happening to him on the inside. Depression is confusing because it robs us of hope and tell us wrongly that nobody else cares when they do. It effects the emotions and the thinking. It takes a lot to gather the courage to speak the things that don't even make sense to us. We know what we are feeling but we hear "buck up" and "you shouldn't feel that way" so we remain silent and don't speak about the deeper inner desperation.
ReplyDeletePlease take it from someone who goes through inward struggles such as this - it is NOT your fault. We try to speak but how can you explain things that do not always make sense to yourself? How can you explain your feelings when you think the next question is why and there is no concrete reason for why? You just do.
Depression is a great thief. It robs you of your joy, contentment and energy. It feeds you lies about your self-worth, abilities and self-esteem. It robs you of solutions because it clouds true and accurate perceptions that are needed to find answers to your problems making it seem and feel as if there are none.
#1 - If or when you find yourself depressed first acknowledge and speak your truth. You feel the way your do even if it makes no sense. You don't NEED a reason for feelings they just ARE. Depression is caused by an imbalance in the chemicals of the brain. This is something no one can see making it seem like there is no reason for it when there IS. You are allowed your truth and your feelings.
#2 - Combat the lies with the truth. Speak up and get feedback. Depression distorts what we see, our very perceptions become inaccurate. It sounds like what was happening above was that your friend was trying to find solutions but couldn't give voice to his inner emotional turmoil which is what he REALLY needed help with. He couldn't find the truth because he couldn't give voice to the lies the depression was feeding him. He believed that there was no-one who cared when there WAS. YOU cared. There are others who have battled or are battling what he is and care. That is the truth to the lie he was hearing in his inner ear.
#3 - Find a positive feedback loop. Depression exudes negative energy and without realizing it we come to expect and accept that negative energy it is feeding us until that is all we see. We wind up surrounding ourselves with it and become blind. Often depression is worsened because we fall in with those who give us negative feedback because it "fits" with how we are seeing and feeling about ourselves. It is there and it is our inward truth for the moment but introduce the positive from the outside. Examine what people are telling you - is it positive or negative? Reject the negative and cultivate the positive even if that means finding new friends.
I know this was a long comment but my hope is that someone who needs to hear this will. I wish you much peace and love my dear friend.